Every flippin’ corner in my dtes Vancouver hood I’d be asked, “spare some change?” or worse, told some drawn-out bs story first before being asked.

It’s a dilemma for anyone with half a heart (if you simply don’t give a damn when the destitute on the street corners ask you for your change, you need to puzzle for a while then grow your heart two more sizes).

“They have soup kitchens and social assistance programs, and giving them change is just going to enable their dependency and probably will go straight to drugs”. That’s what I said to my softer-hearted cousin when she visited.

But over time I learned that it wasn’t that straightforward. Sometimes my change really did go to a slice of pizza that may have been the only protein or hot food they’d get that day. Sometimes the soup kitchens weren’t open (like Sunday mornings, because all the faith-based places weren’t open!). Sometimes the access to social assistance was so freaking complicated what little energy the individual could muster was sucked dry during the first (crappy pay phone) call to the 1-800#.

So then. I started giving out change if I had it, and dignify the exchange (somewhat) by leaving it entirely to the individual to use as they saw fit. Sorta like the rest of us do.

But I think I just heard a better answer.

What we can say with confidence is that we are to give something to everyone who asks – dignity, attention, time, a listening ear. Sometimes we may give money, sometimes not.

Sounds like a pretty Christ-massy sort of response to “can you spare some change” to me.

I’ll start, minimally, by not being pouty when some of Yellowknife’s folks (often inebriated to avoid hells I don’t know about) crowd in the local post office entrance or bank machine areas.

This is so weird. Twice now this year, I’ve gone to a church as a visitor and the topic was … being wise with money.

Anyway, when I was recently in Vancouver, I went to my radical and wonderful home parish in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside and the priest on deck for the homily, Jessica (yes, a woman priest, YAY and because it’s a High Anglican church it’s “Mother” Jessica), gave the homily, and I have to say it challenged this money coach.

It challenged me to make tithing a central aspect of my finances rather than a one-more-aspect. By that, I mean I want it to become my new barometer of my financial health. This is part of my re-invigorated money-coach-heal-thyself programme to which I committed.

Previous barometers were:

• ability to meet my monthly obligations
• building up a nest egg
• buying a home
• able to live a more luxurious lifestyle
• having savings for nice things

But I want a new barometer.   I want my new barometer of financial success to be:  Am I managing my finances in such a way that I can give 10% of it away?  To organizations that feed the hungry?  To organizations that advocate for structural change, social justice, so that folks aren’t hungry in the first place?  To initiatives that will help the planet?  And of course, to my parish which has been such a rich blessing to me over the years?

I don’t do that right now.  I give a certain amount on a regular basis, and beyond that, on one-offs throughout the year.  But I can, and desire to, make it a central aspect of my money management to give 10% away on a regular basis.   If you want to listen to the homily – it’s about 6 minutes – it’s below.  If you want just the key points, here they are:

1. Tithing is in response to a great vision, not a commandment

2. Occam’s Razor – the simplest model is probably the best one  (10%)

3. Tithing can offer freedom from anxiety

4. It can invite God’s healing into our relationship with money

5. It’s a practice of gratitude

Mother Jessica’s Top 5 Reasons to Tithe from St. James' Anglican Church on Vimeo.

Photo Credit: More Good Foundation

Just sayin’.

This money coach loves these guys. And you will too. Not to mention you’ll love being a Saver.

The Eco and Green-living crowd up here is pretty amazing. Backyard chickens don’t cut it; my LEED-house neighbours have goats. Free-range meat? Pshaw. Folks fish and hunt. How’s *that* for free range.

And then there are my nearly-self-sufficient friends who live on a lake, grow their own vegetables and quinoa, compost their toilet (ewwww, but it works), chop down trees (don’t judge; it’s likely cleaner than your heat source) to heat their home (bear in mind our weather drops to -40C for days on end) and the latest? Bake their bread in this solar-energy contraption. The bread was fabulous, by the way.

I don’t really dare refer to myself as frugal in comparison.

THE SOLAR ENERGY OVEN

THE GREEN HOUSE (they also have an extensive outdoor garden)

WHAT SURELY MUST BE THE ONLY LOCALLY GROWN CANTALOUPE

HAND CUT AND CHOPPED. WHO NEEDS THE GYM?

EVERY CORNER OF THE HOUSE HAS A RAIN BARREL.

NOT SURE IF THIS IS USED. OBVIOUSLY NOT DURING MIDNIGHT SUN SEASON.

INDEED, IT IS!

Hi Nancy!
I love your words of wisdom and the fact that you too have been on the “consumption train” and so I know that somehow you were able to change your thinking. I am so on that train! I sometimes wish that online banking would allow you to organize your money into “files” so that you could actually realize that once it was all allotted, there truly is only so much left for spending on non-necessities.

This is my question to you. (And I ask this question after truly trying to change my thinking… imagining piles of $$$$$$ instead of clothes, etc., and making budget after budget, but to no avail. I still find myself enroute to yet one more store in my moments of boredom.) Question: Is it ever wise to actually cut up your credit cards? Do you ever give that advice to people? I truly do feel as though my spending and justifying it is out of control…however, if I was ever invited out to 30 great parties in a row, I would have some great dresses and shoes to wear to every single one of them! But, I did not make my RRSP contribution this year, and all those dresses won’t do me any good when I am 70!)

Thanks!
Cathy from Ontario
__________________________________________

Thanks for your question, Cathy-from-Ontario! It’s a good question and you’re in good company. In fact, according to a recent report by TransUnion, the average Canadian owes $25,597 in addition to their mortgage, of which $3,539 is credit card debt.

Here’s what I recommend:

1. Assume you will never win the fight against short-term satisfaction versus long-term anything . It’s well-established that we humans are hard-wired to choose the lesser-but-immediate gain (hot dress) over the greater-down-the-road gain (healthy RRSPs when you’re old or simply a healthy savings account). Don’t beat yourself up over this – I don’t beat myself up – but acknowledge it’s a component of your humanity that needs to be factored in. But it doesn’t end there…

2. You can set up the game to increase the odds that your rational side – the part of you that does want to opt out of the consumption train in favour of thoughtful budgets and your old age – has a fighting chance to win over your emotional and energizing side – the part of you that “connects” quickly to spending. Here are three ways that work for me:

a. Set up savings accounts precisely how you mentioned, ie., for specific items. Mine include “holidays,” “dog emergencies,” “slush fund”. Each of these have a gut-level attraction to me, so I have an emotional commitment to them. Find the items that resonate for you — a gift for your child? a great outfit for an upcoming event? Then set up saving accounts AND set up regular contributions (even $25/paycheque) into them. (By the way, I use ING – super fun for multiple savings accounts – and if you sign up with them, quote my “orange key” as 14641937S1 and we’ll each get $25 or something like that.) Will this create your retirement plan? No, but it will easily and quickly shift your self-perception into being a Saver and trust me, that will start to play out for you over time. Plus, you’ll have money ready for stuff you value.

b. Give yourself full permission to shop when you are bored With This Caveat: you can only buy the item(s) you find the next day. If you still really want it the next day, go for it. Truly. This little trick is the.single.most.effective habit that turned me around. I can honestly say I basically never impulse buy any more!

c. Create a new pathway. Right now, it sounds like you are in a rut: I’m bored -> I shop -> I buy. Think this through right now: next time you are a little bit bored, what is an alternative action you could take? It’s important to identify just one action. Then, try it out. Next time you are a little bit bored take that action and see how it works. It will take a bit of “muscle” to develop the new pathway, so it’s important to start with the little bit bored times. With repeated practice, a new pathway will be created.

3. And the credit cards? Don’t cut them up. But do lower their limit. I have a $1000 limit on mine. A low limit helps us think of them in a healthy perspective – there when we need them, but not for all our wants and dreams.

Hope that helps Cathy!

And, of course, check out my $25 online program which will help on exactly these sorts of issues!

READERS: If you have a question about your finance (not investment or tax stuff, but day-to-day issues) by all means e-mail me: moneycoachcanada at gmail d0t com.

Photo Credit: consumerist