Are you a broke mom who gives too much?
I worked with many women in their 50s who were broke. At most, they had their home partly paid off, but they had little savings and not much of a nest egg at all. They were understandably deeply anxious about it.
At the same time, they were sacrificially supporting their young adult kids: requesting no rent, or making their kid’s car payments/cel phone bills and more than one mom was putting them through private college.
This was difficult for me. I don’t have kids so I don’t personally know the deep, deep sacrificial love these moms had. And I didn’t know all the familial complexities and history the led up to this point.
But the moms were broke indeed, and rightly starting to sense that they were running out of time.
We would work together to find ways to ask the kids, sometimes for the first time ever, to start contributing to the family finances (rent. paying own cel. selling the car). Sometimes it happened, sometimes not. I suppose that’s because asking a child to start paying rent is so much more than a financial transaction, isn’t it?
If you’re a broke mom who gives too much, the one thing I’d say is this: it’s like being on an airplane and the oxygen mask drops down. Adults are asked to put their masks on first, and *then* help get the masks on the children. If you’re own financial life isn’t healthy (esp. at midlife), consider putting your own financial “mask” on and once you can “breathe normally” you will have a lot more capacity to help your children.